New Element Found

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest

element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25

assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant

deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called

morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of

lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however,

it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with

which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium

can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a

second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does

not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a

portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons

exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will

actually increase over time, since each reorganization will

cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes..

This characteristic of morons promotion leads some

scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever

morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical

quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes

Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy

as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice

as many morons.

J. Ryan