New Element Found
Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest
element yet known to science.
The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25
assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant
deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called
morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of
lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however,
it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with
which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium
can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a
second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does
not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons
exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will
actually increase over time, since each reorganization will
cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes..
This characteristic of morons promotion leads some
scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever
morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical
quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes
Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy
as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice
as many morons.
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